Wednesday, July 14, 2010
the way we think
I believe that competeitive symmetry and submissive symmetry would be the hardest to change simply because each partner is holding on to control of the situation. There is no compromise in these types of situations because each partner wants the upper hand. The book explains that submissive symmetry is confusing because: "Although both partners ostensibly avoid control, each does his or her best to control the other by forcing the other to make the decision." (148) However, this does seem less damaging than competitive symmetry because both partners want to be in charge to a greater extent in this situation. They don't think to compromise and this is why competitive symmetry is the most damaging, not only to a relationship, but also to the individuals self-esteem. They may begin to feel unworthy because of the way they are treated by their partner who is always trying to have control. The book says that: "Learning how to share the one-up and one-down positions gives a couple the flexibility they need to adapt to changing circumstances." (149) This means that by comprmising partners will make their relationship stronger.
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I agree with your idea that competitive symmetry is the most damaging to ones self esteem because I feel as though your partner is not the one who you should be competing against. Just as the book discusses there are times in which competitiveness can encourage the members of the relationship to do their best, it is true but it should not be all the time. Relationships are about give and take and equality. How are you compromising when you are competing the whole time? I just feel like in my relationships I need support not competition, except for the few times it can be useful. But for the most part I feel like when you are competing with the other person in the relationship, there is more stress and hurt. I agree with the book and you about compromise strengthening relationships.
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