Thursday, July 15, 2010
Trying to find Miss Right
I agree with Duck's attraction filters. I think we all go through basically the same processes when determining who we want to try and get closer to. I put some emphasis on physical beauty but there has to be more than that if a relationship is to last. I have talked to girls who were physically attractive but there really wasn't much else going on. I remember this one girl who was attractive and a single mom. However, she came across as being a bad mother and this was a turn-off for me. We also didn't have much in common. She thought most of the stuff I liked was weird and I didn't even tell her half of it. It goes to show that it takes more than physical beauty in order for a relationship to work. Physical beauty can be a starting point but once your interaction and cognitive cues come into play things change dramatically. Now the real attraction between you two can be seen. Physical beauty can only take a relationship so far. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule but this is the norm.
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It seems like what your saying is while pre-interaction cues are important, cognitive cues are more important and necessary for a lasting relationship. Duck makes a similar argument and my experiences leads me to agree. I too have known people who are physically attractive but do not share the same interests and values, and without these commonalities the relationship never goes anywhere. I have however, had deep friendships with people who I did not find physically attractive but shared many vales and beliefs. There does seem to be a limit however, I have not had a romantic relationship who I did not find attractive. It seems romantic relationships require passage of all the filters that Duck describes for the relationship to be lasting.
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